As I promised, from time to time we’ll have some posts about the relationships between us (the men) and my personal favorite other human species (the ladies ). This is a guest post from one of my friends Nasos, (my favorite guy of all time, when it comes to stuff about chicks) and he is talking about the 10 worst mistakes average guys do on a first date. Make sure you avoid as many of them as possible, so it won’t be the last date as well. Have fun!
Mistake #1: Don’t be on first dates..
Let me repeat that, DON’T BE ON FIRST DATES. Dates especially if YOU set them up, are translated as “I have free time, I want to spend it with you”. It doesn’t sound that bad, but what about “I don’t have so much free time, but I can do something with you, something that I would do anyway”.
This sub communicates to the girl you’re interesting, that you’re a busy person with a social life and a full schedule. Let me explain things more, because it might get misunderstood. You are not supposed to do that being fake, you do that because that’s how YOU LIVE. If I call you on Saturday noon and ask you out on the same evening and you don’t have anything to do – and this sounds like a normal Saturday to you – sorry, you need to GET A LIFE. Many will disagree and will try to tell you that you have to be spontaneous and always make free time for the girl you are interested in and bla bla bla… If you want to be successful, you need to have goals and goals need a schedule to be accomplished. These are the guys that girls want the most.
Mistake #2: Discuss the place with the girl
Let’s say, that you somehow found time and you have decided on purpose that you want to go on a date with the girl. Another false thing to do, is to ask her “What would you like to do on this date?”. Grow a pair… She is expecting to be amazed by you.
Let me introduce you something that has happened so many times in your life but you failed to understand it. Boy meets girl. Girl is evaluating the boy. Decides if she wants to spend time with him, like going on a date with him. If she does, boy then gets the chance to evaluate the girl back and check if she is worthy of his time. Pay attention to the “chance” word. It doesn’t mean that everybody does it, only the most valuable men do that. But still every man has the chance to evaluate the girl, AFTER he has awed her somehow.
When you haven’t validated yourself, you ask her to tell what to do, on your first date?… I don’t care how, but you need to know that by yourself. Every culture is different, every age is different but the point remains the same. Find a cool thing to do or a cool place to hang out. Best case scenario, find something you like doing and she hasn’t done before and would probably make her have a good time.
This doesn’t mean you should sound like an A hole and be a prick about logistics. For example, if the place is too far from her home or if she needs to be back at a specific hour because of something, respect that. But still every girl is waiting for your initiative and to be guided through a wonderful evening. Is there a very good ice cream store and a street you like to walk? Amusement Parks? Shooting Range? Bull riding? Whatever the case, you need to have a good time in that place even if you went there with a friend of yours.
Mistake #3: Be the knight in shining armor
OK, this is one of the most disgusting things you could see out there. A guy trying to impress the girl by always opening doors, pulling chairs and speak in an almost submissive way, is making me nauseous. First of all, she is not a disabled person. I’m not saying you have to insult her or disrespect her, but treat her like you would treat a normal person. Not like some weakling that is incapable of pulling a chair.
When you are over trying by doing these things, you communicate to the girl that you can’t amaze her by your value as a man and you need to compensate for that. You need to act like a normal and polite person. Go out, be cool and talk about both of your lives and how you spend your time. If both have a great time, BOOM, we have a deal.
Mistake #4: Play “The Interviewer”
All of us have done it. Don’t be ashamed. We get out with someone and we start bombarding her with questions. Where are you from? Where do you live? How many siblings? Tone that down a bit. She didn’t sign up for this. Girls want to have fun on dates not answer demographic questions. Things like that will get answered naturally as your evening progresses. You went out for a drink, you might speak about your day like what it felt like or what happened.
Now you know that she is doing something for a living, that you happen to fancy. COOL. Next logical thing is to discuss how she ended up there. She may then asks what you do for a living and things go on NATURALLY. Both people are stating stuff about their lives. Everyone is happy.
Bonus: If she ends up doing all the talking, can you guess who is more interested between the two of you? Attaboy!
Mistake #5: Impress her by spending money
This one is easy. Do not go on a very extravagant place and order the most expensive drinks on the menu. Who does that? Don’t you think she understands you are over trying? Add some nervousness from thinking that you won’t be able to pay a bill tomorrow and we have a…LOSER. If you do that, chances are she thinks she has found a sucker that pays drinks on demand. There is only one place where this is acceptable and still it’s rare.
Let’s say you are Dan Bilzerian and you have a lot of money to spend and you spend most of your time in penthouses around LA drinking Zombies. Then yes, you are totally congruent if you order the 1999 Dom. You liked that huh? Start building wealth and then we come visit this passage again. Until then, be modest and congruent to your lifestyle, respect yourself. That’s what’s fair after all.
Mistake #6: Trying to kiss her
For the love of god.. I hate when I see couples dining out and the boy is looking at the girl like a mountain of chocolate that he wants to dive in and start licking every bit of it. Are you a pervert? A girl likes to be desirable but there is a limit to that. She wants to feel that you are on the same level of interest with her or you want her just a little bit more. This gives her a sense of control in her emotions. Both men and women want control, but women have a hard time sticking to it. Let’s elaborate on that one.
In any relationship, we are trying to come to a point, where both ends have the exact same feeling. This takes time but it is fundamental if this relationship is going to flourish. By the word relationship, I don’t mean something specifically sexual, but the way in which two or more people are connected. For any relationship to be successful, both ends have to agree on the same “terms”. This starts and ends with expectations. When someone has more expectations than the other, then things get messy. Try to counterbalance your expectations with her and all things will become smooth and pleasant.
Most of the time, I have faith in my emotions. If I feel that the girl is making me happy and having a great time, she should have the same feeling. If I don’t feel that and I fancy her, then I should continue to make things pleasant for everyone. When you reach that feeling of delight, where you *finish each other’s sentences* and laugh at the same time with something that happened, then you have reached a magical point called “in-sync”. This may sound too cliche, but it is needed for any sexual relationship to progress. This point is characterized by mirroring body language and facial expressions as well as mannerisms. It’s a place where you feel yourself and the girl as being the same person.
When you reach that point, it’s perfectly clear that she will want to kiss you. She will have the same feeling of lust for you and your lips and you will get it. Isn’t it far greater to kiss with that ground than with you figuring out ways to trick her into kissing you? Sure there are routines or shortcuts to do that like start talking about what it would be if you were kissing right now but the “in-sync” moment beats everything, every single time. It may sound difficult to achieve but it’s the moment that she likes you just as you like her. Try to accomplish that, by being super awesome and the girl will be swept of her feet for knowing you.
Bonus: Sex is 10 times better when you have reached that state. She will feel much more comfortable around you. In addition, if you let some time pass before you have sex by touching more and have more body contact, it amplifies the sex even more.
Mistake #7: Staying at the same place
This one may be one of the most undermentioned mistake that average guys out there do. It’s wrong and everybody does it. Actually there is a pretty straight forward formula for evaluating such things.
“If everybody else is doing it, you shouldn’t.”
[bctt tweet=”“If everybody else is doing it, you shouldn’t.””]
The problem with that, is that when you keep on staying at one place for a long time everything gets dull. You need time when you go out with a girl. How else would she get to know you? How would you get to know her? You see the same faces, tables, not to mention that it’s so typical of first dates to do that. It makes the whole experience something totally ordinary, you are just another guy going out with her.
But let’s say you go out for drinks. Suddenly you get hungry and go to a place where you go regularly to have something healthy and quick to eat. These options do exist, don’t go for filthy hot dogs down the street. And then after that you remembered there’s a very cool frozen yoghurt place by the end of the street. “WOW, this guy didn’t let me get bored for a second. He knows all these places and he definitely knows his way around women.”
Hmm, yes I prefer that from “Hey Cindy, I had this awful date, lets go for drinks and meet someone interesting”.
Bonus: It is best to have been several times before in these places, so you know all unexpected factors but most of all, you have to know the people working there. This one came from dad, long ago. He said “you have to be best friends with people working in a place you eat, otherwise they will serve you junk”. Today, I would say this applies to every place you hang out, either for food or for drinks. All will be better if you are around friends. Also, this sub communicates again to your lady that you have a social life way before her and you didn’t wait for her to have a good time.
Mistake #8: Asking her if she is having a nice time
Are you a little 13 year old insecure girl having her PMS? I think it’s pretty clear by now that you don’t need to ask this kind of questions. First of all you shouldn’t have insecurities like that. It’s not that you wouldn’t care, it’s just that you are a man that has a great time everytime he goes out. He is controlled by his own inner emotions and is not affected by other people’s bad feelings. Still you should be empathetic and be totally aware of the other person’s feelings and justify why she is in that place. But in no case, should you ever become sad or frustrated because of her. Never.
Besides that, this should be pretty evident as we said before. You should be in the same place with her and “in-sync”, and if she is not having a good time, you shouldn’t be having either. Don’t even fear to blow out the date if you don’t have fun. Respect your time, there are dozens of girls out there that could make you happier and also learn something from them. You don’t need another one to write to some notebook. Men who have an abundance mentality don’t care about numbers. They like to be around women who make them better in some way. Even by just bringing your better self out there. If on the contrary you have a great time, the girl is one of the coolest people you know, then let her know that, she will appreciate it.
Bonus: Try to always reward her somehow if she does something to please you. This creates a positive environment where good behaviors keep on coming from both ends.
Mistake #9: Be super serious
I know you have watched Batman a gazillion times and you love the whole unapproachable serious thing going on. The sad selfless guy who is never having fun or does silly things, since he is so busy saving the world and handling political corruption.
Nope, sorry to kill your dreams. People love to be around happy people. Women are people last time I checked.
You don’t have to be the “funny guy” or the ridiculous one. You just need to be genuinely happy and show that you know how to have a great time. When you have positive feelings everything around you is associated with this positiveness. This even operates cumulatively, the more occasions where you experience these feelings the better in the long run. Imagine that you brace for yourself from anything bad that may happen in the future.
Mistake #10: Let her pay her half
This is expected from you. You are not disrespecting her. You just show that you are capable of buying a round of drinks. It gives a glimpse of your financial status. If she finds that offensive or keeps on trying to pay her half, propose to let her pay next time. Suddenly she has one more reason to go out with you again. And if she does, it’s never because she owes you money!
So that’s all folks, try to become a better, wealthier and healthier person and dates or girls in general will never be a problem.
Just in case you are not Batman, what other possible mistakes can you think of, that a guy should avoid?